When all is said and done, has your life turned out the way you expected it to?

I’ll confess that I’m certain I don’t know what I want, even though I’ll be 21 come Sunday! It’s like you think of one thing and you’re happy with it, then the next moment, you realize that that’s not what you really want. Like how one moment I’m thinking that I should be in Business, and the next in Early Childhood. Although I’ve decided quite some time back, I’m gonna continue with Business.

With all the conversation I do in my head, sometimes I don’t realize that I’ve not communicated anything to anyone. So basically, I’m the only one who knows what my plans really are. My plans are usually not run-of-the-mill thing, rather it’s one that requires a lot of careful consideration before embarking on it kinda stuff.

When you were small, did you think you’d turn out the way you are today? Did you factor in all the unexpected things that would happen in your life, turning you into the person you are today? Did you think you’d have all the fears, inhibitions and issues? What about your perspective of life? How did it all appear suddenly?

I’ve come to realise that at six, my life seemed much clearer. At six, everything was black and white. Now, everything’s a hue of grey. I don’t know what’s good for me. Am I supposed to make my own opportunities? Or just accept the presents that life brings you? I always took for granted how my life would turn out, and now I’m beginning to realize that what I do now and the decisions I’ve made will probably have a significant effect in my life. I’m not referring to all things bad though.

Then I wonder, is what’s holding me back my fears or my caution? If I decide to vanquish my fears and face up, I’d have grown. But what if my hesitation is not borne out of fear but reluctance? Then forcing myself to take a step forward would be against my own instinct, yes?

Life is simple, I wonder how I made it seem so complicated.